Tutor Time!
February 4, 2012
I Got In!!!!!
February 3, 2012
Wowza!! I just got the good word — I made it into the HOGD Outer Order and have been assigned my tutor! I SO cannot wait to get started! Gonna go buy a really nice journal right now! 🙂
Welcome to our outer order, the Hermetic Order of the Golden Dawn. By becoming a member of our order, you have taken the first step into the Great Work of ritual magic and alchemy. Although you are at this time a member of the Golden Dawn, you are still not an initiate. True Golden Dawn Initiation can give you a great boost in your spiritual development, and you are already eligible for traditional, physical initiation at one of our local Golden Dawn temples. You will likely have to travel to one of our temple locations to receive this initiation, however. In order to keep travel expenses at a minimum, it is therefore advisable for you to wait for initiation at least until you have qualified for advancement to the 1=10, Juniorus, grade. You then may take both initiations during the same journey. Whenever you feel you are ready for initiation, please write to admin@golden-dawn.com to request that your initiation(s) be scheduled.
I Am (Not) What I Am
January 11, 2012
I am not a cynic; I choose my sarcasms carefully.
I am not jaded; I am one who’s seen it all, so you’ll have to do better than that.
I am not impressive; I’m unimpressed.
I am not a slacker; I just like my breakfast in bed. And lunch. And dinner.
I am not stupid, but I might make you think I am—remember, it’s easy enough to be dumb, but playing dumb takes real skill.
Patience is a virtue; it’s just not one of mine, so hurry up and wait–and hold my purse.
I am not repetitive, so I’ll say this only twice: the minutes I take becoming that trophy on your arm are not my “football minutes.”
I am not a whore, and I can’t be yours, because Babylon’s pockets run deep.
I am not remote, aloof or above it all; I am cautious with my trust and my affections (after all, remember what happened to Alice when she followed a rabbit down a hole, and also what curiosity did to the cat).
I am not a bitch; I am a Babe In Total Control of Herself.
I am not the Other Woman; I am a Woman who fell in love with her Best Friend at an Inconvenient Time.
Nor am I a mistress; I consider myself a master at it now.
Anyway, Love is blind, isn’t It? And they don’t make scarlet letters these days in Braille.
I am not an amateur; I am professionally unapologetic.
I am as guilty as I am blameless, and I will be neither judged nor absolved.
I do not worship false idols; I sing to the ghosts of my identities, and pray to those they used to love.
I’m no angel; pay no attention to the wings, and oh yes—I’m not the ‘droid you’re looking for.
I am not a wife, but to the marriage of true minds, I do not admit impediments.
I am not a “kept” woman; I like to keep to myself.
I am not lovable, yet all I need is Love.
I am not a liar; I live in unconventional truths that sail uncharted seas.
I am unschedulable; I have my own agenda, so just tell me where and when.
I am not a bride, and I have always said “I do.”
I do not suffer fools; my own foolishness is insufferable enough (and why do fools fall in love?)
I am not an adulterer; I am merely an adult. I made my bed, now I will lie in it unmade. And oh, yes–unalone.
I am neither a princess nor a goddess; I am the shoes on Cinderella’s feet (both sackcloth and slippers), and my kingdom has not come.
I have not found God, but I have seen His face, heard Him sing, and felt His kiss, unfailing. His Light falls warm upon the face of my branded, unbridled soul. And I am as good at being God as He is.
I am not creative; I just like hearing myself write.
I am not a friend, yet there are those I would do anything for just to see them smile.
I am not a lover; I live in sin, and love it.
I am not a mother, yet I have carried for Him forbidden fruit that fell too soon from the vine.
I am not waiting, but I can stay if it’s what you want, and I am always leaving things behind.
I am not a disbeliever; I do not follow blindly, though at times I blindly lead.
I am not strong, but you will not break me.
I am not asleep, so please don’t wake me.
I am not what you think, not what you expect, and everything you want me to be.
I am what you see—I’m what’s hidden—the arcane, the unpardonable me.
And despite the cost, I am free.
I am not a label,
not a number,
not a cog in the wheel.
I am The Wheel, and I will not be reinvented.
I am and am not.
(Get used to it)
I am I.
I am.
(not)
I.
Sono Intus Lux Lucis
January 9, 2012
“Don’t take life too seriously … you’ll never get out of it alive.”
That’s what they (the Proverbial “They”) say, anyway. And you nod or you shake your head, and you chuckle a little, as if you’ve never heard that one before.
It may as well be “It is what it is” or “Been there, done that,” “Think outside the box,” or maybe “Git ‘er done!” It’s just another “something” people say when there’s nothing else to say–like some sort of emotional placeholder where you get to fill in the blank with another blank (“Johnny, tell her what she’s won!”) because it’s easier to pay lip service to a cliché when things are rough than to let yourself get too close to the pain. Because, hey, you never know when it might be contagious, right?
And in some cases, it just might be. After 11 years with the same company, I was laid off last month, but I’m not the only one. I was one of 165, so there are 164 others who are feeling like corporate roadkill right about now too. (Some epidemic, eh?) And what are we, the newly jobless, expected to take comfort in?
“It’s not personal. It’s just business.”
Oh, I know, I know–right about now you’re probably thinking this one:
“Bitter much?”
Well, yes, but that’s another post for another day. What I’d like to say to my former employer today is simply this: Thank You.
Yep. “Thank You.” Thank you because you’ve given me the opportunity to reach down inside and find my bootstraps–yeah, the ones I forgot I even had. It took a little while to fumble for them in those boots so full of impossible expectations you made me wear, but I did find them, and now I’m ready to give ’em a good yank.
I also want to thank you for giving me the “time off” I’ve needed to explore some paths I’ve wanted to set foot on. There’s a light down one of those paths, and I intend to find it.
“Run to the light, Carol Anne, run to the light!!” Hell, we all want to run to the light, don’t we? (That quote’s from “Poltergeist,” by the way, for those unbaptised in all things gloriously 80s–I wonder if they’ll ever remake that one.)
Well, that’s where you’ll find me–me and The Dream King, that is–hand in hand, just walking paths and looking for the light we know each of us has. And we do have it, that Light. You just have to figure out where to look.
So … wanna come with? 😉